Kink or fetish are thrown about for just about anything these days.
Plus as they’re both used interchangeably, it’s a little confusing. Does dating two guys in a row with big feet make it a fetish? No, probably not.
But both play a very different role to one another. So let’s remove the ambiguity, get down to facts and actually find out: what is the difference?
The key difference is that a fetish involves a specific object or act that is necessary for sexual arousal, while a kink refers to a broader range of unconventional sexual interests that are not required for arousal.
Kink — what is it?
In a nutshell, kink is all about exploring new and unconventional sexual practices or fantasies that step outside the mainstream.
Kinks can be a broad umbrella term for anything from light BDSM (like spanking or role-playing) to more complex power dynamics or sensory play. It often involves sexual interests, practices or fantasies that might not be necessary for sexual satisfaction, but they add to your overall experience.
So think of it more as that “ummm yes, more of that” vs “if you don’t do this I can’t come”.
Examples of kink:
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Light bondage / light BDSM(handcuffs, ropes, etc)
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Role-playing
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Sensory play — this can be heat, pressure, touch, taste
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Power dynamics, think dominance and submission
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Voyeurism or exhibitionism
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Breath play
The best part about kink? It’s personal. What gets someone hot under the collar can be entirely different from someone else. It’s all about discovering what kinky behaviours or interests feel good for you.
And more often than not, it’s about the kinky experience and the act itself. They’re things that enhance and add a little spice when the mood strikes. They’re more like a side dish than the main act.
Fetish: what is it?
A fetish, however, is a bit different.
A fetish is a persistent and intense sexual focus on a particular object, body part, or activity that is essential for arousal. In many cases, a person requires the presence of the fetish object or stimulus to achieve sexual satisfaction. Fetish refers to a specific, and often intense, focus with a particular body part or activity. They can be deeply ingrained into your sexual identity and, usually, are necessary for sexual arousal or satisfaction. Typically they also fall outside of the cultural norm for sexual activity, but not always.
Examples of fetishes:
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Foot fetish (example of a specific body part)
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Leather fetish (example of a fetish object)
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Latex or rubber fetish (inanimate object)
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Heavy BDSM
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Shoe or boot fetish — specific kinds of footwear, including high heels (clothes worn)
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Object fetish — like a vibrator, stockings, or can even be things like balloons (objects, non living objects, inanimate object)
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Fetishes focused on pregnant people or women
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Fetishes involving body size (specific body, body size)
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Fetishes involving specific body parts or body parts in general
A fetish object is typically an inanimate object or non-living object, but sexual interest can also be focused on specific body parts or body size. Sexual fantasies and sexual preference can also play a role in the development of fetishes.
Some people may seek guidance from a sex educator or a sexual medicine specialist for managing fetishes. Therapeutic approaches such as orgasmic reconditioning or introducing acceptable stimuli can help manage problematic fetishes. In some cases, medications to lower sex drive may be used. Detrimental effects can occur if a fetish causes distress or impairment in a person's life. A person with a fetish may focus on women, pregnant people, or specific body parts. The person experiencing the fetish may find that the fetish is central to their sexual desire, sexual pleasure, and sexual enjoyment.
While kinks are about adding a bit of spice to the routine and exploration, a fetish can often be a deal-breaker as to whether you can reach sexual satisfaction. They can be hyper specific and unwavering, but that’s what also makes them unique and personal. So exploring a fetish with a trusted partner can be an intense and gratifying experience.
Impact on mental health
When it comes to mental health, the relationship between sexual fetishes and well-being can be as unique as the fetishes themselves! For loads of people, having a sexual fetish, whether you're into feet, have a thing for body hair, or get turned on by a specific object or body part, doesn't cause any harm whatsoever and can actually spice up your sex life in amazing ways. Exploring what gets you going is a totally natural and part of being human, and most people with fetishes are living their best lives in healthy, satisfying relationships.
However, for some folks, sexual behaviour tied to a fetish can bring up feelings of shame, guilt, or anxiety. Especially if what turns you on feels misunderstood or gets you judged by others (which is rubbish, by the way). In rare cases, a fetish might become so central to someone's sexual arousal that it actually causes distress or messes with daily life and relationships. The professionals call this fetishistic disorder when you absolutely need that specific object or body part to get off, and it's causing you real problems. If this sounds like you, reaching out to a sex therapist or mental health pro can be a game-changer for understanding and managing these feelings.
Research shows that there's a massive range of fetishes and sexual interests out there, and most aren't linked to mental health issues at all! Still, the stigma around certain sexual preferences can sometimes lead to mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, or feeling rubbish about yourself. This is exactly why open communication, consent, and respect are so important, both with yourself and with any partners you're getting freaky with.
Can kinks and fetishes change?
Yes.
Fetishes can feel like a core part of your sexual identity, they can still evolve and change over time.
The same with kinks, you might start exploring one kink only to find something new that excites you more.
Like with all good things in life, keeping yourself open to new experiences is key to embracing different kinds of pleasure.
Are kinks and fetishes normal?
Again, yes!
Whilst some fetishes and kinks can be outside of the cultural norms we're used to, everybody has acts or sensations they like more of than others. They're completely normal and healthy to explore.
But, if you are concerned about your needs for sexual arousal, we'd always recommend speaking to your GP or a sex therapist to help you navigate those feelings.
No judgment, just pleasure
If it's a kink or a fetish — it doesn't matter. There's no wrong or right way to explore your sexuality and what brings you pleasure. There's no shame, they're part of what makes you, you!
Remember: pleasure is personal. Own it. Explore it. Enjoy it.