Kink vs fetish: what's the difference?

Kink or fetish are thrown about for just about anything these days.

Plus as they're both used interchangeably, it's a little confusing. Does dating two guys in a row with big feet make it a fetish? No, probably not.

But both play a very different role to one another. So let's remove the ambiguity and get down to facts. 

Kink — what is it?

In a nutshell, kink is all about exploring new and unconventional sexual activities or fantasies that step outside the mainstream.

Kinks can be a broad umbrella term for anything from light BDSM (like spanking or role-playing) to more complex power dynamics or sensory play. It often involves things that might not be necessary for sexual satisfaction, but they add to your overall experience. 

So think of it more as that "ummm yes, more of that" vs "if you don't do this I can't come".

Examples of kink:

• Light bondage (handcuffs, ropes, etc)
• Role-playing 
• Sensory play — this can be heat, pressure, touch, taste
• Power dynamics, think dominance and submission
• Voyeurism or exhibitionism

The best part about kink? It’s personal. What gets hot under the collar can be entirely different from someone else. It's all about discovering what feels good for you. 

And more often than not, it's about the experience and the act itself. They're things that enhance and add a little spice when the mood strikes. They're more like a side dish than the main act.

Fetish: what is it?

A fetish, however, is a bit different.

Fetish refers to a specific, and often intense, focus with a particular body part or activity. They can be deeply ingrained into your sexual identity and, usually, are necessary for sexual arousal or satisfaction. Typically they also fall outside of the cultural norm for sexual activity, but not always.  

Examples of fetishes:

• Foot fetish 
• Leather fetish
• Latex or rubber fetish
• Shoe or boot fetish — specific kinds of footwear
• Object fetish — like a vibrator, stockings or can even be things like balloons

While kinks are about adding a bit of spice to the routine and exploration, a fetish can often be a deal-breaker as to whether you can reach sexual satisfaction. They can be hyper specific and unwavering, but that's what also makes them unique and personal. So exploring a fetish with a trusted partner can be an intense and gratifying experience. 

Can kinks and fetishes change?

Yes.

Fetishes can feel like a core part of your sexual identity, they can still evolve and change over time.

The same with kinks, you might start exploring one kink only to find something new that excites you more.

Like with all good things in life, keeping yourself open to new experiences is key to embracing different kinds of pleasure. 

Are kinks and fetishes normal?

Again, yes!

Whilst some fetishes and kinks can be outside of the cultural norms we're used to, everybody has acts or sensations they like more of than others. They're completely normal and healthy to explore. 

But, if you are concerned about your needs for sexual arousal, we'd always recommend speaking to your GP or a sex therapist to help you navigate those feelings. 

No judgment, just pleasure

If it's a kink or a fetish — it doesn't matter. There's no wrong or right way to explore your sexuality and what brings you pleasure. There's no shame, they're part of what makes you, you!

Remember: pleasure is personal. Own it. Explore it. Enjoy it.