Have a penis? Meet your new favourite toy, Lennon

Over the last few years awareness of the Orgasm Gap has grown, rightfully shocking many. More importantly though, it has taken the pressure off those with vulvas struggling to reach climax during partnered sex with cisgendered men from thinking that there is something wrong with their bodies. The stats speak for themselves. Heterosexual partnered sex focuses too much on penetrative intercourse. This not only encourages the undervaluing of vulva pleasure, it also restricts cisgendered male pleasure.

Tenfold. 

During the recent COVID-19 pandemic, sex toy outlets reported huge global increases in their sales which indicates a step towards exploration. Who exactly is taking this step? During lockdown 65.7% of non-binary people said they used toys during masturbation, along with 52.9% of women and 23.6% of men. While the renaissance of the clitoris has helped to break the taboo of women buying and using sex toys, there is a persistent cloud of shame surrounding cisgendered, heterosexual men doing so.

For cis-women, toy use is becoming increasingly recognised as a method of healthy self-care. Traditional masculinity still questions why any real man would need anything other than his penis to please himself. 

Are you serious about closing the Orgasm Gap?

Well then it’s time to give yourself or the men in your life the permission to be curious! Curious about what enjoyment is waiting to be unlocked within the body you’re in, regardless of sexual orientation. Many men are open to playing with their partner’s toys yet wouldn’t buy one of their own. How about this festive period you consider changing the script? Buy your male partner a toy and stimulate his curiosity while he stimulates something else. Don’t take for granted how liberating the giving of permission may feel for men. A sense of newfound confidence and intrigue may uplift your intimate life as well as how they approach partnered sex.

Two questions may spring to mind: what and how?

I’ve got you, and so does Lennon. Lennon is a deliciously soft and flexible gender-neutral vibrator. Find tips on how to use it to make a penis very happy below. 

First things first, lube. You know the drill. Lennon is a silicone toy so the best option is a water-based lubricant, like Glide. Use both hands to apply a generous amount to the penis and balls, topping up with more when necessary. Wetter is always better.

We are talking about building curiosity, not rushing towards an orgasm, so take your time to explore various sensations. Hold the base of the shaft with one hand and lightly trace Lennon’s bulbous tip all over trying out various movements. Notice if your preference or your partner’s is to move it up and down the shaft, or massaging it in circular motions in one area. Allow these movements to be slow so tension continues to build. 

Now, let’s put that flexibility to use. Bend Lennon in half with the bulbous end facing inwardly. Cup the toy around the base of the penis, with the ends can be held against the scrotum. Try out different vibration settings here to find what works best as you use your free hand to massage the shaft. 

The thicker end of Lennon makes it ideal for g-spot stimulation during vulva play. This makes it great for perineum massage. Prostate stroking is a great option for penis owners, but it is best to use toys with a flared base for insertion. Lennon bends to whatever shape feels best for you and the length of the toy means you can work the shaft while rubbing the toy against the perineum. For some, this may stimulate the prostate indirectly depending on sensitivity and positioning, so it’s an approachable option for beginners.

Once you feel warmed up you can introduce Lennon to the glans of the penis. The head of the penis is generally the most sensitive part to touch so if you’re using toys on a partner make sure to start gently, with communication about what intensity and directness of touch is best. Trace the tip of the toy around the circumference of the glans before focusing your attention on the frenulum. This is the area below the glans which connects the foreskin to the penis. It’s helpful to consider this to be the penis’ answer to the clitoris, so if you’re well versed in cliteracy then impart some of that wisdom on the frenulum - and thank me later. 

Anyone else feeling a bit hot? Whew. The possibilities really are endless. Just as vulvas shouldn’t be condemned to a life of penetration-only sex, neither should penises. Gender identity shouldn’t dictate what you like, you should. You have permission to be curious, and curiosity makes for a great lover.